Tag Archives: self discovery

Insomnia Musings

I’m writing this at 6am and I can’t sleep.  Who am I?! I hardly ever wake up until the last minute before I need to. I was up at 5 and couldn’t turn my brain off. All I’ve been thinking about is my upcoming trip to Toronto. Me. Going on a business trip. Still in denial. (Though, I’m posting this after the trip, all feelings still apply).

[[Toronto is pretty awesome – next time I may even explore, ha!]]

Things have been pretty good lately.  Work owns my life (good thing I really like my job and I like to think I’m good at it), and I’m not very good at making time for other things.  Things they don’t tell you about real world adult life – that sh*t is mentally exhausting!  I thought once I started working I would still have all the energy to keep up with hobbies and such, but alas, no dice.

It took me about 6 months to get back into working out – I kept saying I was going to join a gym back in January, but could never decide on one I liked that was worth the price.  Eventually, signs a new yoga studio popped up near me around March ish, and was offering crazy discounts for early members. So I joined! Granted it took about 4 months after I joined for the studio to finally open, but hey, it’s open now, and I couldn’t be happier with it.

[[prospect park, because it’s gorgeous. and my favorite place to run]]

I found a running group through meetup.com, and honestly, I probably wouldn’t do much running without them.  Self motivated after a long work day or work week is harder than you’d think.  Plus, I’ve met some really cool people in the process, and signed up for some fun races with the group.  Oh and I bought a bike. Though I mainly use it for grocery shopping (hey, you do what you can when you don’t have/want a car).

What’s this blog supposed to be about again? Oh right. FOOD. Even though I stopped blogging, I  most definitely didn’t quit my eating habits.  I just maybe eat a lot of the same things all the time. Because really, I most certainly don’t have time to make something new and creative every day.

[[skirt steak tacos with cilantro radish salsa, one of my few creative ventures]]

Maybe once a month or so I’ll try a more intricate recipe, but I usually get by on roasted, steamed, or raw veggies, rice or some kind of potatoes for carbs, and some meats and other proteins – nothing fancy.

And with lots of ketchup.  Seriously I have no idea when the ketchup obsession happened, but it’s real, folks.  Apparently I’m 5 years old, but ketchup makes almost everything better.  Who knows, maybe I’m making up for lost time since I can’t remember caring much about ketchup when I was actually a kid.

So yeah. Long story short, I have no idea where this blog is going. I guess we’ll find that out?

The Great Meat Debate

Those of you who have known me for the past few years (or have been reading the blog since I started) my have noticed something different around here:

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A little back story – I was never fully vegetarian or vegan.  However, for the past 3 or so years, I’ve eaten primarily a vegetarian, and dairy-free diet.

Actually, I take that back – mostly pescetarian and dairy free.

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I love my seafood, so even through all my “i’m gonna be super healthy and cut out all meat and dairy from my diet” days, I always kept eating fish (and eggs, although I cut those out for a while too).

Also, I would eat some meat when other people made it for me, and when I knew the source.  Organic if possible, please.  But these occasions only happened a few times per year – well, until now.

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So what gives? In short, my body wanted it.

Over the past few years, I’ve gone through lots of ups and down in weight, highs and lows, and over the past few months, I’ve noticed a pattern.  After a few days, exclusively vegetarian meals failed to keep me satisfied.  Even a new recipe or larger portion of vegetarian protein wouldn’t do the trick.

Without fail, I would go back for more food, and eat so many veggies, beans, and legumes, so much fiber that I would end the day hugely bloated, uncomfortable, and still unsatisfied.  Full, but still in need.

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So I gave in.

I bought meat to cook for myself (as much as I hate handling it raw!).  Yes, I splurged for organic or grass-fed as much as I can.  After all I’ve learned about the food industry, if I have the choice of organic or conventional (even labeled all-natural), I’m going organic.  No nasty chemicals in my food if I can avoid it.

To be honest, I’m still not entirely okay with eating meat.  I’ll spare you the details of what goes on in my head, but I’m learning to be okay with the fact that I’m eating right for my body.

How do I know this?  The other day, I was thinking back to how I used to eat before I started thinking too much about food, and I remembered that there was a period of time when I wanted steak for dinner multiple days in a row.  And I would eat it too.  I was a major meat lover, and probably at my smallest.  So yes, things have changed, bodies change over the years, but I’ve been feeling pretty good lately.

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I’m sleeping better, I’m staying full for longer, have more energy (for every day and for workouts), and am less bloated.

I would say I still eat about 75% vegetarian, and almost completely dairy free (my stomach doesn’t like dairy).  But I’ve now added some chicken, turkey, and occasionally, beef into my meals a few days a week.

So there you have it.  It’s still and internal ethical issue for me, but I’m trying this out for a while, in the hopes that my body responds well.

Do you eat meat?  Do the ethics or environmental impacts of it bother you?

Were you ever vegetarian and found yourself craving animal protein? 

Don’t Wait for Tomorrow

The body and mind are very much connected.  I’m sure this isn’t news, but bear with me here.

I’m always at my thinnest and fittest when I am happy and busy in other aspects of my life.  I schedule my days, workouts are fit in around everything else, and meals are prepared ahead of time.   I can effortlessly slim down with a full schedule and a full life.  Makes perfect sense, right?

But that’s kind of a problem.  Because at the moment, this means that due to my current situation (no job, no stability, etc.), I’m rather uncomfortable in my skin.  I’ve gained upwards of 15+ pounds (estimate) since graduation, I’m tired all the time, and my clothes aren’t fitting like they should.

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[[back in May, on the Brooklyn Bridge.  Hard to see a different in this pic, but that dress didn’t zip a few weeks ago]]

Unfortunately, I didn’t realize how much I was gaining until I looked in the mirror when I was home in August.  Even my family noticed how heavy I had gotten – and that was a serious blow.  Even if you know it’s true, it still hurst to hear your family tell you you’ve gained weight.

But that was the last straw.  Since June, I’ve been telling myself “I’ll get back in shape when I get my life together” or “It’s not that back, everything will work out once I start working and working out more”.  Notice the common theme here?  It’s the classic “I’ll start tomorrow” excuse.  And I kept saying it, thinking I was not that bad, digging myself deeper into the hole, perpetuating the cycle of unhappiness, boredom, and eating away my time and feelings.  

No fun. If every day you wait for tomorrow, tomorrow will never come.

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[[last month, on my trip home – having fun, but definitely carrying a few extra inches]]

Sure, food tasted good, but I let myself get out of control, and slipped back into old habits of eating to fill time and space.  I would be “too tired” to exercise, and convinced myself that my body was sending me a message to rest.

WRONG. This time, the problem was in my mind.  I put myself in a misery trance and refused to get out of it.  I told myself I was too tired all the time, so I was.  Simple as that.   And my body was along for the ride.

Hey body – mind says the ride’s over.

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[[we’ll say that’s my “I’m determined” face]]

No, I don’t have my life in order, but there’s really no need to wait.  I can’t keep waiting, or I’ll never get there.  Getting back in shape and tuning back in to my body will help.  I’m not weighing myself or counting calories – I’ve been down that road, and it isn’t pretty.   I’m aiming to be more mindful and honest with myself when it comes to food, sleep, and exercise.  I’m writing things down, saying them out loud, and taking the time to process before diving spoon first into

I don’t need that extra spoonful of nut butter every night.  I’m not too tired to do a moderate workout 30-60 minutes per day.  In fact, that workout will probably boost my energy.

It’s all in my mind, and mind says no more waiting until tomorrow.

What helps you stay mindful in your body?

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