This past Saturday, I ran the farthest I have ever run in my life – 11 miles. Now I can hardly walk.
[[If you don’t want to read a long-winded, self-serving rant, you may want to skip this post]]
I try to keep my posts from becoming perpetual “I hate what my life is right now” rants – so I generally stick to the good stuff. Mostly food, some fun, some other little things. Which is why you, readers, don’t know much about the inner workings of my mind at the moment.
If I shared everything on my mind, this blog would be no fun. My thoughts are mostly filled with school stress, and trying to figure out what I’m doing after graduation. Which happens to be in less than 2 months. (cue minor freakout).
Things that keep me sane? Good friends, good food, and working out/running. Especially running.
That was my gorgeous view, stuck in the single rain cloud over the east river on a recovery run last week. Even just seeing these views and being out in nature was a nearly instant stress reliever. Then comes the endorphin high. I always feel SO much more relaxed after a good run, that I don’t care how fast or slow or whatever it was.
With just two weeks left until my race, I decided to indulge a bit and get all my gear together. I upgraded my headphones from these cheapies:
To these beauties.
Oh, a WORLD of difference! They’re not completely noise-cancelling if you wear a smaller ear piece (yes, mom and dad, I make sure I can still hear my surroundings). I was SUPER excited for my longest-ever training run this past Saturday – 11 miles! After that, all the hard work would be done, and I just had to maintain for two weeks. So I grabbed my gear and headed out in the gorgeous 45 degree sun (FINALLY).
After about 3 miles, I started to feel a weird cramp in my left foot – but it would go away after I stopped and stretched and rolled my foot around a bit.
Then around mile 7 or 8, the feeling got stronger. I don’t know if I’d call it pain, but it was uncomfortable. Side note: I think I have a very odd sense of pain. I don’t notice it’s there until it’s either really bad, or gone. But by that time I realized the feeling wasn’t going away, I was already at my turnaround, heading home to finish the 11 miles. So I kept running. In hindsight, stupid move. And I knew it wasn’t good at the time.
But I kept running. I was determined to finish my training and be ready for this half.
I spent the rest of Saturday like this. As soon as I took my foot out of the shoe, it started throbbing, and hurt to walk. I had plans to meet up with friends in Central Park for a picnic, but I couldn’t do it.
There are few things that make me sadder than being unable to go outside on a beautiful day. And unable to see my friends. It was a lonely weekend, and I was having a really hard time seeing the bright side of things.
I wanted so badly to be proud of my 11 mile run. But I was fixated on the future. Would I be able to train this week? Would I be able to run the half? Would I be able to walk tomorrow?
I still went to work on Sunday (I work at a cafe on weekends), but took a cab there, and tried to avoid walking as much as I could. I managed pretty well, as my job doesn’t require me to move around too much. And standing didn’t bother my foot. And my barista made me a capp with a heart.
I managed to get myself out for a dinner with some lovely friends as well. It’s amazing how a simple social even can lift my spirits. Like I said, I’m not very good at being positive. I usually need help.
I made myself some warm, frothy, spiced almond milk before bed for a bit of comfort. And to take my mind off my aching foot, and all the studying and work I had to get done.
(attempted to study for my last midterm – but my mind was elsewhere. Thank goodness the prof. is offering a redo, I already know I did horribly on the exam)
The foot didn’t get any better after two days. I was really starting to get down on myself. Running the half marathon was looking less and less likely.
So I finally went to the doctor. And, as I figured, my gut was right. It’s a stress fracture of the 3rd metatarsal. It didn’t show up on the X-ray, but both the orthopedic guy and the sports med specialist said that is usually the case if you come in a couple of days after the worst of it.
So now I can barely walk without pain. I have to wear this silly shoe, and use crutches if walking with the shoe hurts (which right now, it does).
I can’t run or do anything high-impact for 6 weeks.
Which means what was supposed to by my first half marathon will have to wait. And I can’t get refunded or anything. So I’m out $90 and don’t get to run. (I can still pick up my t-shirt at the expo though. oh, lucky me)
I decided to pull out of this round of Best Body Bootcamp. I didn’t want to – I so badly don’t want to lose my fitness levels that I have worked so hard to build. But I know myself, and I know I would push myself too hard and get in the way of healing. (p.s. – Thank you Tina for being so understanding, and letting me participate in the next round)
Frustrated doesn’t even cover it. Discouraged. Depressed. I have lost so much motivation over the past few days – my number one stress reliever was exercise. Now I feel sedentary and set back.
I am trying hard to be positive. I am really pushing to get the frustration out of mind and put what’s past in the past. But I feel like I have reached my limit for the moment. Am I giving up? NO. Things will get better, and I know it.
But it takes a lot of effort on my part to see the bright side. I feel helpless but I hate asking for help. I know I need to give up the pride, and just surround myself with good people. I know I need to accept what has happened and do what I need to feel good now.
It will take work. And some days will be better than others – but I will not let this injury define who I am now.
No questions – but if you have a story to share on overcoming the mental struggles of an injury, I’d love for you to share
[[and for those of you who read the entire post – wow. kudos to you. much love, my friends]]