So I’ve decided not to write about my other Chicago shenanigans from thanksgiving. With my less frequent posting, it seems like almost all of my posts lately are about “this is what I ate” or “this is where I went” or “this is bothering me”. Honestly, I’m kind of sick of it, and I miss writing meaningful posts.
The trouble with this is that these days nearly all my mental energy goes into school, work, homework, etc. I have so many things on my mind, and I want nothing more than to just write it all out. So I’m about to do a major brain dump, and completely understand if you choose not to read through (sadly photo-less) this post.
Though I have less real classes (that is, time spent in lectures) than ever before, this semester has not been a walk in the park. The responsibilities are never-ending. School and homework. My first semester working a part-time job on top of full-time school. Starting to plan my life and career. Singing in my choir. Seeing friends. Oh yeah, and sleep – what’s that again?
Needless to say, I’ve had to let of a few things. Well, over the past few years, more than a few things – and it doesn’t get any easier. I used to be in more clubs, play more music, help people with their homework, do more outside projects, etc. But I’m not one of those magical people who can be in constant motion, going from one thing to the next, every moment filled with one thing or another. Actually, I envy those people. There are so many days when I wish I could just keep going with no breaks.
But, I have a limit – and that is one of the hardest things I have to admit to myself, something I’ve had to do for years. Throughout my whole life, I’ve always had more interests and activities than I have the capacity to do. So I’ve had to let go of a lot. I know, they say that if something is important to you, than you can make time for it. But that is my problem. Everything is important, and I have the hardest time letting go.
But I’m human. I hate that I have to constantly remind myself, but I can’t do everything! And there really isn’t anything wrong with that. Yes, it means that I have to give up some pastimes I enjoy, drop classes(yup, did that), and miss out on events and things here and there.
It means that I now have to spend my time figuring out school, finish classes I don’t love – but have to complete to graduate. I have to spend time planning my future, and look for real person jobs, which is scary as all hell. Yes, I still have to make time for me, but giving up anything I committed to is hard.
I don’t like backing out, and I don’t see it getting any easier. More bearable? Maybe.
But for now I just have to deal with what fits on my plate. Unfortunately, spending an hour at the gym each day just doesn’t fit in anymore, and neither do parties and events every weekend. There is still time for coffee with friends, stress-relieving runs, etc. But those are necessities.
Those necessities are what keep me going, the things I need. People. Food (yes, it brings me joy). Music. Yoga. Running. The fact that my life is about to turn into something completely different in just a few months.
How do you “let go” and allow yourself to face the tasks at hand?
[[ps – kudos to you who stuck with me this whole post!]]