Inhale, exhale, repeat. That’s living, is it not?
It is not. That is existing. It’s going though each day piece by piece – work out, eat, shower, work, eat, work, eat, relax, sleep. Doesn’t seem very exciting, now does it! That’s how most of us go through a day, and are more than content to do so.
I know that was me. I thought I was happy with that. I thought I was happier than ever – I was living on my own, dictating my own affairs. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. I was going through the motions, sitting back and letting things happen around me. Why? I don’t know. It’s what I’ve always done. Making things happen doesn’t come easily to me. Starting conversations doesn’t come easily to me. Doing crazy things and taking risks feels like going against my nature.
Going to Sweden is probably the scariest thing I have done. I took the leap of faith and now that I’m here, I am determined to keep at it. I meet new people from countries around the world. I meet people who go to parties and do crazy things regularly – and they still have time to study and succeed. I meet people who don’t care about anything but the present moment. I meet people who are living.
I’m 21 years old, and not getting any younger. I don’t want to be the girl who goes through college without doing something crazy. I don’t want to be the girl who graduates with a good academic record, having spent all my time at home studying (okay, I’m exaggerating, but you get the point). I want to make friends with strangers at a bar. I want to get lost in a strange city and discover something fantastic as a result. I want to have stories to tell, and secrets to keep. I want to stop existing and live.
And the closer I get to graduating, the more I realize that time is running low, and college will be over soon. So many adults I know talk about their college years as the best of their lives. While college has been awesome so far, I’m not sure if at this point I would be able to look back in 20 years and say it was the best of my life. I’m only 21 once, I need to make life happen.
This is no sudden realization, and it’s a process. It’s going to take a conscious effort to leave my cozy room and go hang out with a group of people I have never met. It’s even harder to strike up a conversation, and meet a new person. It may take weeks, months, or years until I become ‘okay’ with putting myself out there, but it needs to happen. The last thing I want is to regret not stepping out of my comfort zone to live more.
No day but today, right?
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