Don’t just exist, LIVE.

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Inhale, exhale, repeat.  That’s living, is it not?

It is not.  That is existing. It’s going though each day piece by piece – work out, eat, shower, work, eat, work, eat, relax, sleep.  Doesn’t seem very exciting, now does it!  That’s how most of us go through a day, and are more than content to do so.

I know that was me.  I thought I was happy with that.  I thought I was happier than ever – I was living on my own, dictating my own affairs.  But I couldn’t have been more wrong.  I was going through the motions, sitting back and letting things happen around me.  Why? I don’t know. It’s what I’ve always done.  Making things happen doesn’t come easily to me.  Starting conversations doesn’t come easily to me.  Doing crazy things and taking risks feels like going against my nature.

Taking risk

Going to Sweden is probably the scariest thing I have done.  I took the leap of faith and now that I’m here, I am determined to keep at it.  I meet new people from countries around the world.  I meet people who go to parties and do crazy things regularly – and they still have time to study and succeed.  I meet people who don’t care about anything but the present moment.  I meet people who are living.

I’m 21 years old, and not getting any younger.  I don’t want to be the girl who goes through college without doing something crazy.  I don’t want to be the girl who graduates with a good academic record, having spent all my time at home studying (okay, I’m exaggerating, but you get the point).  I want to make friends with strangers at a bar.  I want to get lost in a strange city and discover something fantastic as a result.  I want to have stories to tell, and secrets to keep. I want to stop existing and live.

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And the closer I get to graduating, the more I realize that time is running low, and college will be over soon.  So many adults I know talk about their college years as the best of their lives.  While college has been awesome so far, I’m not sure if at this point I would be able to look back in 20 years and say it was the best of my life.  I’m only 21 once, I need to make life happen.

Dashboard

This is no sudden realization, and it’s a process.  It’s going to take a conscious effort to leave my cozy room and go hang out with a group of people I have never met.  It’s even harder to strike up a conversation, and meet a new person.  It may take weeks, months, or years until I become ‘okay’ with putting myself out there, but it needs to happen.  The last thing I want is to regret not stepping out of my comfort zone to live more.

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No day but today, right?

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13 thoughts on “Don’t just exist, LIVE.

  1. Turtle-speed Runner

    Girl, you have packed up your life and gone to live in another COUNTRY!! That’s a HUGE step to putting yourself out there, making a big change in your life and stepping out of your comfort zone :)
    Feel good about yourself for having done that, and then work on doing more crazier things :D!
    Turtle-speed Runner recently posted..WIAW – Raw food cafeMy Profile

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  2. Caroline

    I totally agree you have to make the things you want happen, they’re not going to just come to you. I (similar to you, but I did it on a much smaller scale) recently moved to a new state, away from my family and friends. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever done and while I definitely don’t want to be here forever – I’m so happy I did it!
    Caroline recently posted..You’d better be running.My Profile

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  3. Nada (One Arab Vegan)

    I know exactly how you feel and where you’re coming from. Believe me. I think it’s great you’ve come to this revelation though, but you’re right about it being a gradual process. Don’t worry about not being “crazy” enough – just do what makes you happy. Try new things and throw yourself into uncomfortable or foreign situations – just remember the hardest part about that is walking out the door. Whatever the outcome you won’t regret it – the worst that can happen is you won’t have as much fun as you thought you would. And studying abroad is a huge deal and adjustment process – It’s been 4 years for me and I still feel out of my element sometimes, but it’s definitely worth it. Keep up the positivity sweetie :)
    Nada (One Arab Vegan) recently posted..“Muslims Can’t be Vegan” – Where Veganism and Religion CollideMy Profile

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  5. Eleanor@Eatinglikeahorse

    Great post… and wow! You’ll have such a great time; I completely agree about the risk-taking quote and I agree how easy it is to exist and let things happen – the greater the risk is and the further out of the comfort zone you go, the greater the reward is likely to be.
    Now you’ve taken the risk, just be yourself and enjoy it, I bet you’ll have the time of your life :-)
    Eleanor@Eatinglikeahorse recently posted..Highs and lowsMy Profile

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  6. Tessa at Amazing Asset

    Hi Rachel,
    Wonderful post, and one that I can certainly benefit from as well! You are seriously impressive for your abroad adventures and taking that risk… amazing woman! The dumb disordered eating has certainly made me a “scared” person and stopped me from taking many opportunities I wish I had. This is a reminder that I really do need to LIVE my life and stop waiting… we only LIVE once and it’s time to make something of my LIFE
    Tessa at Amazing Asset recently posted..Let’s TalkMy Profile

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